Humbled by Washing the Dog Bed

This is a tremendously exciting topic.  You’ve been searching everywhere for the definitive blog on this, and here it is.  After much soul searching and agonizing inner debate I have finally found what I would like to share on the subject.  Hmmph.

In Enzo’s crate is a humble Costco dog bed.  It is rectangular, with a pseudo-Tuscan looking damask tapestry cover over a foam egg crate style pad, with a zipper up one long side.  You have all seen them.  Enzo seems to like it just fine.  When purchasing this dog bed somewhat carelessly at Costco it never crossed my mind that at some point I would, of course, end up needing to wash it.  Actually, come to think of it, I don’t know of any easy to wash dog beds so this could be a universal, colossally overriding issue.

So, here we are a couple months later.  Yeah, ewww.  And we are sniffing suspiciously in the bedroom shortly after washing the dog and cleaning the house and wondering why it has that strong, distinctly dog odor that only I seem to be able to tolerate.  The dog bed.  Okay, one more step to complete the cleaning of the house.  Well worth it for my faithful furry friend.  I strip the cover off, shake it out in our driveway, treating the entire neighborhood downwind to a furry coating of German Shepherd, and toss it in with my Costco detergent for a good hot wash.  The foam I threw in the driveway, poured some more of that lovely Costco detergent on it and soaked it with the hose.  A little squashing of the grapes dance on the foam (a la Lucille Ball in that wonderful episode) a good rinse and throw the wet foam over the back of a bench in the sun to drain and dry.  It’s sunny and hot so that shouldn’t be hard right?  Turns out that foam is made out of the most hydrophilic stuff known to man.  It took three days to dry and I think that was from the water dripping out of it, not from drying in the sun.  I don’t know how we are going to get it dry in the harsh Southern California winter.

Okay, so here is where I need a little extra help.  Why is it so hard to get the covers back on things like duvets and dog beds?  I always end up inside the cover, with it somehow twisted wrong before the whole ordeal is over, not even necessarily successfully.  So I grab the now clean and dry cover and the clean and dry egg crate foam insert and try to sheath it.  Let’s just say good thing I didn’t do much dating before I met Dan.  It will not go on!  I am going to have to go in with it, so there I go and get about half way there before I remember Lassie’s Law Of Fur: Fur cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be hidden until least convenient.  Suddenly the “clean” bed and cover are fur bombs and since I am nice and sweaty, wrestling with them I am getting happier by the minute.  Inhale slowly, ” I love Enzo, I love Enzo, I love Enzo”, keep going, get it all the way on.  Whoops, untwist the darn thing best as I can tell and shimmy the heck out of there, avoiding the mirror on the closet door mocking me as I emerge.  Zip it up, shake it into submission and best I can back into shape because it doesn’t seem to fit right anymore and toss it on ground, maybe a little harder than was absolutely necessary.  Oh crap.  Dog bed taco.  Really?  Why won’t it fit right?  Why doesn’t it ever fit right again?  Heck with it, it doesn’t exactly fit right in the crate either, so in it goes, followed happily by Enzo who settled right down on it and I swear winked and grinned at me.

Very funny.  And it will need to be done again soon.  Or maybe I’ll just buy a new one.  Wait.  Tree hugger here.  Where the heck do I think all that egg crate foam is going to go?  And what, we’re made of money?  There has got to be a better way.  I am going to research it.  Someone has to have come up with a washable dog bed.  I can’t be the only one that turns the whole thing into an episode of I Love Lucy.  Oh God, can I?


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